While love is a deeply important aspect of romantic relationships, it isn’t everything — and relying on love alone may not lead to a successful relationship.
“Love is great and all, but it can only take you so far,” Mindy, a 39-year old software consultant, told self-made millionaire and money expert Ramit Sethi on a recent episode of his podcast. She and her boyfriend, Victor, 25, came on Sethi’s show to better understand how to handle money as a couple. Their last names were not used.
“I want to be a functioning team,” Mindy said. “And I tell him all the time, step up your game because I don’t want to be carrying your weight. We’re a team. We’ve got to move forward.”
At the time of the podcast’s recording, Mindy was earning around $148,000 annually while Victor, the owner of a boxing gym, was bringing in $28,800. They live together and share expenses, but Mindy has been bearing the brunt of their costs. And in about two months, she’s been told her company is laying her off.
Not only are their salaries mismatched, but Mindy and Victor have been struggling to see eye to eye on money in general, which is why they wanted to sit down with Sethi.
‘The business of running a household’
Despite the upcoming loss of Mindy’s income, the couple is fairly well-prepared to weather a few months of expenses if she can’t replace her salary right away. Combined, they have a little over $25,000 in savings and another $47,000 in investments, including their 401(k)s.
That’s the result of Mindy’s careful planning and preparation, though. Victor has avoided financial conversations and learning more about money thus far, leaving Mindy frustrated and tired of bearing the burden on her own.
“I wish he spent more time thinking about money and writing it down on paper, analyzing, knowing his numbers,” Mindy said.
The couple’s long-term success — both romantically and financially — will depend on their ability to work together as effective teammates, Sethi said. He echoed Mindy’s sentiment that love isn’t always enough and added that with regards to money, the individuals need to function more like business partners.
“It is the business of running a household,” he said. “What if we have to buy a house? What if somebody gets sick? What if somebody dies, [or we need to be] taking care of elderly parents? That is a business, and we need to be pragmatic about it.”
That doesn’t mean Victor needs to match Mindy’s salary, Sethi said. But he does need to take on a more active role in the couple’s financial planning.
“What Mindy is looking for is more than just income,” Sethi said. “It is you being a partner in the relationship…It’s getting educated about money because there’s a whole language you don’t understand about money right now.”
Victor acknowledged he has been hesitant to engage with money because he’s content living a “simple life,” but he needs to be a better partner for Mindy and keep growing his business.
“She’s 13 years older than me, so I feel like she already passed all her 20s and all that. I’m still trying to figure it out, which is not bad,” Victor said. “I like the fact that I have a little bit like a fire under my ass…I want to get there for her and for me.”
‘Respecting money’
Victor needs to educate himself on money in general, but Mindy also needs to be specific about what she wants from him, Sethi said.
Mindy should clearly communicate her expectations and consider real consequences if he doesn’t follow through. After all, if one partner continually drops the ball in a business, that partnership probably won’t be sustainable.
“If you want to change the way that you interact with money, you’ve got to start respecting money,” Sethi said. That means taking it seriously and treating your partner like an equal.
“I want to know what’s going on with my money, not because I’m obsessed with money… [but] because money is one of the foundational elements in a relationship,” Sethi said.
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