Dear Annie: I’m 23 years old and had been dating my first girlfriend, “Sara,” also 23, for almost two years before we broke up just a few weeks ago. Over time, I’d noticed several inconsistencies in her stories, which my family also picked up on. For example, she claimed she was punched and knocked down at a store but showed no bruises or injuries, and no one—the store or law enforcement—followed up on the incident, which I found odd. Another time, she said she was threatened with a knife at her workplace. Again, no authorities followed up with her.
Sara is very needy, and when I wasn’t at work or school, I spent all my time with her. Once, I needed a day to myself to relax and take care of personal business. She was upset and kept trying to get me to come to her house. When I didn’t give in, she posted a photo showing she had cut herself, something she had never done before. I alerted her parents and had a long talk with her about giving each other space. She agreed she was wrong and decided to go to counseling, as I suggested, since the cutting was alarming to me.
A week later, she knew I had an event to attend and said it was fine, but the night before the event, she suddenly claimed she was hospitalized for chest palpitations. We had been sharing our locations on a popular app, and she turned hers off for her “hospital stay” and did not turn it back on until she was “home.” She said she was there overnight and was vague about which hospital she was at, but finally said it was Hospital X. After her “return” home, she sent me a photo of her discharge paperwork, but they looked generic and easily found online. When I called Hospital X, they confirmed she had not been a patient there for over two years.
I then scrutinized the university acceptance letter she showed me last fall for her to attend medical school and found it to be poorly altered from an online template. She had told me, at the time of her acceptance, not to inform her parents about it as they thought she should not continue with any more schooling. I also checked her junior college graduation information and found she had not graduated with honors as she claimed. Her GPA was less than 3.25, making her ineligible for the university she said she was now attending.
In the end, I discovered she had told me many lies, and I broke up with her. Since then, she has been relentlessly trying to get back with me, leading me to block her on my phone. Now, she is begging my parents and brother for me to give her another chance, claiming we love each other and that they (my family) shouldn’t keep us apart. For all I know, she may even be using her parents’ phones to text without their permission, claiming to be them and asking for us to get back together. How can I and my family deal with this controlling and manipulative person?
—Controlled and Deceived
Dear Controlled and Deceived: You did the right thing by ending the relationship; Sara’s pattern of lying and manipulation is concerning to say the least. You also did the right thing to alert her parents and recommend counseling, as she is clearly battling serious mental health issues.
Blocking her was a wise first step, and you should advise your family to do the same. If one of them responds, it might encourage her further.
If Sara continues to harass you or your family, you might want to speak to law enforcement about a no-contact order.
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
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