Dear Annie: Woman, blindsided by her husband’s betrayal, wonders how to start anew

DEAR ANNIE: I had a suspicion that something was going on with my husband, but I didn’t have concrete proof for a long time. Then, one day, everything came crashing down. I came home to find a note: He had left.

After some digging, I found out he was living with another woman in a nearby town. It was devastating, and I was blindsided by the betrayal. To make matters worse, I have no idea how long he had been deceiving me.

What struck me as particularly strange — and almost darkly ironic — was that when I finally saw the woman he had left me for, I was surprised to notice that she looked like a younger version of his mother! When I pointed this out to him, he wasn’t happy about it at all.

Ultimately, their romance didn’t last. A couple of years later, she asked him to leave. Despite everything, I don’t feel much satisfaction in knowing that it didn’t work out for him. The whole experience left deep emotional scars, and even though I made the decision to file for divorce, I often wonder how long I had been living a lie without knowing.

My relationship is beyond repair. How do I start anew even though it feels like the ground has been pulled out from under me? — Betrayed Wife

DEAR BETRAYED WIFE: The best way to begin anew is by taking it one day at a time. Instead of worrying about what the future might hold, focus on meeting new and interesting people, and allow yourself to feel excited about the possibilities of new connections. Starting a new chapter in life can be both frightening and rewarding, so embrace the uncertainty with patience and curiosity.

Remember to continue taking care of yourself — stay active, and spend time with friends and family who uplift you. With time, things will begin to fall into place. Best of luck to you.

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DEAR ANNIE I just read today’s letter from “Help,” and it deeply resonated with my own experiences. Like “Help,” I had a narcissistic mother and spent years struggling to reconcile my relationship with her while searching for my own happiness and balance.

Living with someone who has narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is extremely challenging, as it doesn’t improve with time. Those of us on the receiving end are often left adapting, adjusting and ultimately facing relationship issues elsewhere. Though space and distance can’t solve all the problems, it does offer relief from the toxicity.

How can those of us dealing with someone with NPD find peace with our decision to distance ourselves, forgive them without reentering the cycle of abuse and, most importantly, forgive ourselves for making the difficult but necessary choice to walk away? — Walked Away

DEAR WALK AWAY: Remember that forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself. Walking away was your choice, and it’s important to honor that. People are always works in progress, so try to keep an open mind about your decision.

If it feels right to you, consider checking in with your mother from time to time to see if she’s making any efforts to change and improve. Your decision doesn’t have to be permanent — it can evolve over time. However, if she remains the same and continues to make you feel terrible, trust that you made the right choice in walking away.

Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.