Dear Abby: I‘m my sister’s confidant but what she really needs is a therapist

Dear Abby: My sister, whom I dearly love, is going through some difficult times. She confides in me about her troubles, and I gladly listen and give advice. Although I am willing to listen and help, I feel she would really benefit from seeing a therapist to help her overcome some of her challenges. I also know that her decisions are hers to make, and I don’t want my perspectives to get between us when I say something she may disagree with.

How can I recommend she get professional help without it sounding like I’m pushing her away and discouraging her from sharing her feelings with me? When I mentioned therapy a few years ago, she said I should be her therapist. I told her that was sweet, but therapists have unique skills that I don’t have.

My sister is on a very limited income, and I’m not certain what it would cost through her insurance. She does feel therapy is “good,” but has never actually done it. She often says she can handle these issues on her own, and I suspect she’d be resistant to counseling because it would be like surrendering. Advice?

—Helpful Sister In Colorado

Dear Sister: Tell your sister you love her, but you would like her to discuss her issues with a licensed psychotherapist because in the years she has been confiding in you, she hasn’t made progress. It’s the truth. Point her in the direction of her health insurance company, because it can provide her with a list of approved therapists. If that isn’t affordable, low-cost counseling may be available through the local department of mental health services or from a college or university that has a department of psychology.

Dear Abby: My youngest daughter will be getting married in three months. I am 69 and have been a widower for six years. I have been dating a widow, “Rose,” who was a high school friend I bumped into at church while she was in town caring for her mother after our spouses passed away. She is well-accepted by my family and friends.

Rose is concerned about her role in the wedding. I have discussed this with her and indicated that her role is to be a guest of the wedding couple as well as my date for the evening. I believe this is appropriate and the right way to address this situation. I would appreciate any additional comments or suggestions you may have.

—Father of the Bride In Michigan

Dear Father: I gather from your question that you may be receiving some pressure from your lady friend to participate in the wedding. She may be well-accepted by the family, but if your youngest daughter and her fiance wanted Rose to be more than a welcome guest, they would have invited her to be part of the bridal party. Tell Rose that she is your date, and her role is to attend, have a good time with you and support the happy couple.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O.Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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